Love

to know that you actually love someone hurts
to know that you will never be with the one you love hurts
to know that someone you love will never loves you hurts.
and it hurts when everything that has to do about someone you love hurts you.

you can't force someone to love you,
and you can't stop yourself from loving someone.
but i wonder, why the feeling of love is so strong that it can take a life of something we call human?

i fell in love,
i was not sure whether it was just stupid love or a real one.
i fell many many times and sometimes the feeling just fade and the hell, i don't even know why.
to see the face, or picture, or whatever of someone you love every single day talking to someone else hurts hoping that you will be the person he will talk to. but he never does.

well, to cry over someone you love is just so stupid
i did it, that means, i was stupid for crying over a useless person.

to really want to know what he's doing every single day, while that person never wants to care about you.
to have to open your messenger hoping that he will online but he was not there hurts, too.
to have to figure out what that person is thinking, hurts too.
to have to keep your feelings all by yourself hurts ,even more.
its actually a fcking situation that i never want to be in, especially when my exam is coming in just a few more days.
to think about that person every single day really make my life even more mmiserable
i mean i forced myself many times to just forget about everything thats bothering me and continue thinking about it after spm,
but i failed
i just couldn't stop thinking about it though i want to.
i've been wondering what is that person thinking .
and i just hope i will have the power of matt, (in heroes) so that i can read what is everyone thinking about so i do not have to complicate myself wondering what on earth are on their bloody minds.
because i wont kno
nobody tells me i have to figure out by myself, or i dont have to
just let the thoughts die, together with the memories

if ever i can choose/
i will choose not to have feeling to no one until one time when i grow up,
that is, at least 10 years from now

p/s: please, whoever read this. it is NOT you. dont simply think i was writing about YOU because i was actually writing about another person. it is not easy for me to like someone that easily you know. i hate it when someone thinks i like him while i actually do not.