hello hello :)

Hello people hello world
How are you?
are you okay?
are you fine?
hellloooo?


:) so the first two parts of our first sem in our clinical year have already ended. yay!
betul lah time flies so fast. tup tap tup tap, eh dah habis 2 rounds?

Round lepas is internal med. and i didnt know that int medicine was sooooo soo much fun! :)
Good group good people good patients good teachers good professors! and good food! (im referring to crepe kat kuliyah tib asnan yang of course tak boleh lawan crepe zagazig. i wonder what makes crepe zagzig so sedap *drooling)

barulah memulakan sesi praktikal yang cukup membuatkan aku rasa thrill nak jadi doktor.
taknak busy taknak taknak taknakkkk T.T

yang aku sedar di sini, bukan aku, bukan kami yang banyak membantu pesakit pesakit, no. tapi diorang yang banyak memberikan tunjuk ajar dan nasihat dan dorongan. dan melihat pesakit pesakit yang terlantar namun masih cekal saban hari membuatkan kami, aku, bersyukur atas nikmat kesihatan yang ada sekarang

we never know how much something means until its gone.

kita takkan sedar betapa berharganya nikmat tu, sampai lah bila kita sakit



macam sekarang. musim sejuk. sejuk gilo. tak tahan gue. nak pakai tebal tebal malas. haih barulah mula merindui cuaca di malaysia. hujan yang menenangkan. bukan hujan yang membeku dan melecakkan.
tapi apa apa pun, hujan itu nikmat :) haruslah bersyukur :)

dan aku tak akan sedar nikmat sihat, sampai lah batuk batuk, malaise dan seme seme itu datang.


dan di sini saya ingin memperkenalkannnn, group mates saya aka the cloud 9! :)

tempat tidur kalau cikgu datang lambat hehe. eh apa motif tersentap macam tu :O

the cloud 9 (haleeda bagi nama hehe)

the pretty doctors ;")

with cikgu kamil :)

patients yang ada situs invertus. organn dia terbalik kiri ke kanan, and kanan ke kiri. masyaAllah

the birthday girl :)

 konon konon nak sihat tak order fries, tapi bantai fries orang banyak gila -.-"

tempting gila kan? haha saje je taruk large nak bagi semua drooling :p

almost everytime order this same menu. chicken tandoori with white sauce penna and mashed potato :)

habis exam meronggeng dengan teman seperonggengan :)

black forest hot chocolate, my favourite at costa besided the iced tea peach and pink grapefruit lemonade!

and last but not least, helloooo ENT! be nice to me okay baby ;)

p/s: i thought everything will get better after the election but no, everyone keeps making things so much complicated. stop it already -.-"

Hidup baru

Dah berhari hari berkurun kurun berbulan bulan kiranya aku tak mengupdate blog aku ni. Tapi aku peduli apa? bukan ada pembaca setia yang menunggu saban hari pun.  Mungkin malas bertimpa timpa, mungkin sibuk urusan semasa, ataupun sudah tua dimamah usia. apakah?

Okay secara official dan rasminya aku sudah meningkat dewasa dan dengan bangga dan gembira kiranya aku khabarkan aku telah selamat masuk ke alam klinikal. Oh ya, 3 tahun berlalu begitu pantas umpama angin yang meniup niup diriku yang kerdil ini, echeh.

Banyak lagi mengarut daripada menaip penuh makna. haih

Sekarang aku dalam round internal medicine. Yeah, sangat menarik kiranya. bagai langit dengan bumi kalau nak dibandingkan dengan round pertama, tropikal medicine.

2 minggu pertama round tropikal medicine, kami sangat relaks dan bosan sampai satu tahap aku nak menangis sebab bosan *i literally cried sebab bosan. kelas hanya 1 jam lebih, hanya ulang pelajaran tahun lepas, nak revise semua hari hari memakan masa kurang sejam. orang lain berhempas pulas ke kelas dari pagi ke petang kami hanya makan nasi goyang kaki hari hari

2 minggu kedua. hidup berubah sekelip mata. beginilah lebih kurang

Bangun pagi bersiap ke kelas pukul 8 pagi, terus ke lecture. lecture yang sangat panjang dan berbelas belas page hendaknya sehari, hanya mengangguk pura pura faham apabila cikgu membaca slide yang terpampang depan mata. oh aku tidak boleh terima.

terus bersambung dengan ILA, datang pula banyak case yang perlu difikir, dengan dipush push oleh cikgu ditanya soalan soalan yang kurang kami ketahui jawapannya, habis setelah 2 jam, oh kelam kabut solat zohor sebelum ke round

Round bermula dengan disuruh mengambil sejarah hidup pesakit.
Pesakit tension dengan kami yang tidak faham bahasanya. Kami juga tension cuba memahami, dan tension tidak memahami, dan tension dengan patient yang tension dengan kami yang tidak memahami. memang 'seronok'
diteruskan lectures LAGI di dalam kelas kecik dengan orang duduk di atas meja, cuba meneliti bait bait yang keluar dari mulut pensyarah. terus ke ward yang kecik, dipenuhi katil dan pesakit, dan kami yang lebih kurang 20++ orang harus bersesak sesak dalam bilik yang kecik, cuba mendengar sesi praktikal pula, memang tidaklah kami dengar dengan patients menjerit2 nurse bergaduh2 pintu tutup buka, ditambah pula dengan tidak berpeluang untuk mengaplikasikan practical kerana patient sangat penat. ended up perlu menjalani peperiksaan osce dengan hanya berlatih di atas bear pooh kesayangan.

pulang ke rumah hampir maghrib, tidak sempat menghabiskan revise semua yang dibelajar, aku sudah tersungkur di atas katil.

Dan yes, final round kami, final OSCE dan examination dijalankan hanya setelah SEMINGGU sahaja belajar. gila tak gila?

ini time trop med yang gila

Allah memberi ujian tandanya Dia sayang. Tak layak kiranya aku mengeluh sedangkan ramai lagi yang menantikan peluang untuk menimba ilmu, lagi lagi ilmu medicine, kan?
Bersyukur lah di train awal awal untuk tension dan sibuk dan penat. hehe

Tapi kali ini, seronok. hari pertama ward training dah cucuk insulin kat patient, disuruh ambil glucose reading pesakit, tengok venous blood sample diambil dan terus doktor suruh kamu membuat ECG pada patient. Alhamdulillah with a simple instruction, kami berjaya :) wee go go future doctors :)

ini group internal med aku :)

dalam icu dia. hehe. kecik je icu dia :p

and yeah being in clinical year really got me thinking about what kind of doctor, what kind of person will i be in the future. How will i treat the patients. Someone once said something like this " we do not treat a disease, we treat a patient". yes, do not only care about the disease or illness, do not put in your mind that you just want this case to over, they are human beings. treat them with care. Harapannya aku tak lah sampai satu tahap tu, tak peduli pun, hanya pandang muka patients tanpa perasaan kemanusiaan. Hey, doctors are human too, kan?

 a doctor to be insyaAllah :)

 \\

Okay, aku suka mcD. aku suka sos cili mekdi to be exact. tapi tapi, aku tahu aku harus tabah dan cekal kiranya untuk memboikot. Perlu tanamkan usaha demi saudara mara di Palestin T,T. Malu juga tak banyak yang boleh dibantu,. berdoa, dan menyumbang selagi boleh. Doakan saudara mara kita di sana.

and it got me thinking actually. why should i care pun. benda yang boikot ni, such as coke and mcD sangat sangat not good for our health kan. sekarang memang aku takut sikit nak minum air gas or makan selalu fries and mcD. a medical student syndrome they said. yeah rasa mcm badan aku dari grade 10 turun grade 4 bila makan benda benda tak berfaedah tu. so its like killing two birds with one stone lah. bring israel down and doing good to my own body yea :)

Jangan berbangga kita hidup aman tapi kasihanlah kita. Usahlah diulang 'nasib baik malaysia aman'. Mereka di palestin syria rohingya tiap masa tiap saat bergantung pada Allah. Tiada masa untuk maksiat, tiap masa mengingati mati. Maka kasihanilah diri kita, yang kononnya 'aman' hinggakan 'keamanan' kita dipenuhi dengan maksiat dan dunia semata mata. Dan untung teramat untunglah mereka yang syahiid kerana dengan izin Allah, ganjaran syurga yang kekal menanti mereka di sana. Kuatkanlah hati mereka Ya Allah

something that popped on my mind a few days back, wrote it as a status on facebook. and yeah bak kata kak nisa, senang itu ujian. harapnya semua tak leka dengan nikmat yang datang pun dari Allah juga. 

Luxor and Aswan

Okay so now I'm officially in my clinical year. :) tapi sedih, sedih sebab ada antara rakan rakan seperjuangan yang tidak berapa bernasib baik. :( Tak seronok. tak seronok macam sebelum sebelum ni. Tapi Allah tahu yang terbaik. Berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu memikul kan? I don't have the right to say more since bukan aku yang kena pegang beban tu. Tapi perancangan Allah tu adalah yang terbaik, kan?

So memandangkan kelas ditunda seminggu (say what?) kami mengambil keputusan untuk berjalang jalang di sekitar Mesir. Come on, tourists pay a lot, like A LOT to go to egypt, takkan lah kita yang duduk dekat egypt tak mahu pergi egypt, kan?

Cadangnya ingin ke Hurghada, memandangkan harga yang agak mahal, we decided to go to luxor and aswan instead (still i had to pay a lot!) tapi bila lagi nak pergi kan? sooner or later im gonna have to go jugak :)

So we went on the cruise where there was a lot of mat salleh there. Kitorang bertiga adalah the only people yang bukan omputih. besides the cabin crews lah kan. And they kept looking at us like we're some kind of freak! ye lah, semua nak nak bikini je, kitorang dengan berpakaian lengkap dan bertudung sibuk nak berjemur jugak dekat atas cruise tu. hehe

So basically there are places lah. dekat aswan mostly tinggalan zaman greek and roman, and the other one kat luxor zaman pharaohs lah. zaman greek and roman comes after zaman firaun. after that zaman christian, and sekarang islam :) kagum jugak sebab mostly besar besar gila and took hundreds of year to build them. dengan setiap inci dicarve kan dengan bermacam macam lukisan dan cerita. sangat kental. *tepuk tepuk tangan.

the first place we visited. the high dam. MasyaAllah besar betul Sungai Nil :) 

Saya suka naik boat yay :)

ze food. but sorry, i can only be satisfied by Malaysian food!

 the one place yang bela buaya dalam rumah. pakcik tu macam marah kitorang takut nak pegang :(

 tempat baring baring sampai tertidur dan main ping pong :)

the temple at night

the only temple yang aku agak semangat nak visit sebab belajar masa sejarah form 5 dulu! hatshepsut! the only female king in the ancient egypt! it was soooo hot dan kena panjat banyak tangga saya rasa macam nak pengsan T.T

and finally my first domo cake! yay *ini tak ada kena mengena dengan luxor aswan sekian

p/s : tak setuju dengan orang yang labelkan arab jahat and penipu. sebab most of the arabs that i encounter are very nice indeed :) sangat sangat baik. mana lagi nak dapat diskaun just because you are a muslim kan? :) kalau tahu kita muslim semua sangat excited. and mostly sangat ikhlas dalam menolong dan semangat gila nak tolong orang lain :) jangan sebab seorang, semua kena kan? hehe/ tapi betul lah some of them memang ngeng tapi i think semua race macam tu. even malaysians kan? ada juga yang ngeng. peace!

p/p/s : sorry gambar semua dekat camera orang lain. gambar dalam ni semuaa from handphone thus explains the ke-tak-berapa-nak-best-an

p/p/p/s : raya haji pergi hurghada pulak! under university! hee uni bayar setengah pulak mana boleh lepas? and most of uni's trip are awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee! can't wait! :)

hari ke berapa entah

i know i should be updating but im... i'm....i'm... lazy!
yes, laziness strikes again :D

but still im still going to sum up what i did the past week cause if i don't i won't be updating anymore. haha.

*belek belek note dekat phone

the next day i joined an operation to remove pituitary tumor transsphenoidal.
meaning, they didn't open up the head and remove the tumour like that, nooo.
i remember our anatomy teacher asked us, how to remove one, and she said, transsphenoidal! its reachable through the nose.
and yeah she's right. they did the operation through the tiny miny hole straight to the pituitary.
so we waited, and waited. thought that the operation was going to end early but.. but..
the tumour was still there when we left at 4.00 T,T cannot tahan anymore maa, berdiri dari pagi tak duduk. haih, seriously macam mana surgeons boleh tahan berdiri lama gila nak mampus?


the next day we followed mr toh (officially my favourite doctor! ;p)
we went to the clinic and ta-dah, his first patient came in.
well she has cerebral aneurysm.
And dr toh explained that there are 4 stages of cerebral aneurysm. from mild to severe and he asked.
in malaysia, very seldom a patient presents with first stage cerebral aneurysm. why?
and my answer was wrong. tettt

he said , cerebral aneurysm is presented with headache. but you know lah malaysia? headache? telan panadol lah. telan ponstan. doctor pun suruh makan panadol juga. bila dah teruk baru tahu sebenarnya headache itu adalah disebabkan aneurysm. wooo. bahaya bahaya

tapi headace untuk cerebral aneurysm ni special. dia thunderclap headache. suddenly strikes. not specific for aneurysm but should rule out that disease lah kalau a patient is presented with this sign.


neuro patients nak recover sangat susah. family support is very important. for them to be normal takes 6 months minimum. may reach 2 years.

he said that making a decision is very important, especially for a newborn. people have to decide what should they do if the baby in the tummy suffers for neurological defect. it is a very hard decision indeed.

there was a patient once came into his clinic, his mental status is the same as normal people, but he has paraplegia(partially paralysed) since he was born and he has to sit on a wheelchair.

he asked the doctor

"why wasn't i killed before i was born?"

what should i answer?. there's nothing i can do. i can only give him motivational support. we can only concentrate on the future. we cannot change the past"

bersyukur kerana dikurniakan fizikal dan mental yang normal. alhamdulillah.


the next patient was a middle aged woman. She has been suffering from severe pain at the back, head to the eyelid. exactly until the eyelid. She had her xray and ct can but mr toh refused to look at them

"I dont want to look at those reports. let's talk first"

He asked so many questions from her job, what she does for a living, how many kids.

Dalam 1 sampai 10 sakit itu tahap mana?
saya rasa 10 sebab memang sakit sangat sampai kena baring
Betul ke ni 10?
betul lah kut memang sakit
awak pernah bersalin kan? kalau sakit bersalin itu 10. sakit ini berapa?
ish bersalin lagi sakit. 5 kut.

*first time dengar orang guna scale 1 to 10 tu guna comparison. but see the difference? kalau lelaki mr toh cakap paling sakit myocardial infarction. tapi kita boleh dapat idea kalau compare dengan sakit patient pernah rasa. rasa macam effective gila cara ini :D

and finally we looked at the ct scan and x ray. She has something in the brain called arachnoid cyst but it isnt dangerous. and it isnt related at all to the pain she's been having.

" you ada macam satu poket itu. dalam itu poket ada air otak. tapi banyak orang juga ada. tak ada sakit pun. but i know what you have. it has nothing to do with this cyst."

Then Mr Toh said "patients nowadays don't want to believe the doctor. they only believe the internet. So let's see"

he started to press the keyboard, went to the google search engine, and typed something

voila! ternganga kami sebentar kerana gambar ini memang sebijik sangat sangat dengan description sakit dia. haha. rupanya dia stress sahaja. duduk tak betul. muscle jadi sakit maa. memang muka dia pun selalu stress doktor bilang jangan stress stress lagi. ini sakit banyak normal woo. lu punya muka pun banyak stress kena relax saja maa.


hehe walaupun sakit ni paling simple, tapi paling seronok sepanjang klinik. sebab nampak lah macam mana dia solve terus semua :)


to be continued sebab malas nak type. panjangnya T.T

HUKM; day 5

Let's not talk about day 4 okay T,T

so first, the doctor, a neurosergeon brought me to the ward,
first thing he said

"you know, communication is very important. doctor should not treat patients like they are stupid. Sometimes they know more than us. We now have iphone, they can simply search about their problem and they'll find everything. We have to know so many things, that sometimes we don't know about certain things. If we don't know something, say that we don't know lah don't make up stories"

well something like that. how can i remember the whole conversation, kan?

and then we went to the ward.
there was a patient, his treatment was delayed for a month

"sometimes the doctor didn't do anything, because they think if they don't treat the patient, it won't be harmful, they won't be treating him for the wrong treatment they think. but not treating itself is harmful"

He explained that when he first came to the hospital, they failed to reach the diagnosis, so they didn't treat the patient. He was referred to the neuro department after a month, but it was already too late.
So they treated the patient only to reduce pain and one more i do not remember = =.

Then we went to see a baby, a few years old, with opened arachnoid membrane, it caused an increase in the intra cranial pressure because of the csf leakage. pity her ;"(

after that, along with 3 specialists, 4 m/o and some nurses they did their round at the ward. Then at 10 we went to the clinic

Looking at a baby's CT scan. I could see that the baby's brain is atrophied.

he said something like in city like KL. husband goes to work, wife also has to go to work. they send their baby to the nursery. Some people shake the babies too hard to make them fall asleep. they goncang goncang the baby, use the buaian, sometimes they buai too hard it can cause concussion. You know, when we buai the baby too hard the baby terlambung and fall back again. The brain can be atrophied. poor babies ;"( And he said most of these babies are chubby. Because they feed the babies a lot to make them fall asleep. then they shake the baby so hard they thought the babies are already asleep when actually the baby went into coma, pengsan already. Banyak jugak case macam ni dia cakap


Then a patient with an 8 months baby came in, his head is slightly big, but perhaps its just genetic, he has 2 sutures on his head. They did a surgery to decrease the ICP. What's the first sign?, he asked. I said increase in the size of the head. tett, salah. The first sign is irritability. I asked him, will the head look bigger? hydrocephalus? He said that we can't really depend on the physical, that's why we are called clinician. First sign is actually irritability. ooh :D


Then the second patient came in, she was an 16 ke 18 y/o chinese. they talked in chinese i couldnt understand a thing. But then the doctor explained to me. This case is kind of interesting :D the patient has deja vu, cannot understand what people are talking about. and the doctor thinks she has absent seizures because sometimes she's standing in front of someone, and a moment later she realizes that she's already behind that someone :O
Some people may think she's crazy that she's talking nonsense. that;s why she hesitated to tell her problems to the doctor. but when the doctor assured her that its okay, only then she opened up. The doctor said her ICA is stenosed, and may cause ischaemia to the brain. That may be the reason of her problems. and i saw on the paper it's written kawasaki disease :D

he said i have to decide what kind of doctor i want to be. I have to consider everything. One thing to consider is what kind of lifestyle that i want. don't choose something i can't handle

"being a neurosurgeon is hard. Cases usually come at night. and they can't delay it until tomorrow. if a patient comes with a problem can we simply tell them, please come again tomorrow? the patient will die la you have to do it at that time. not like ophtalmo they can simply ask them to come tomorrow it's okay"

:O and he also said that many female neurosurgeons are not married :O whoa. cheh baru ingat nak consider neuro :p


and then after the clinic ended, there was a doctor, she's an egyptian. Well i already know that she's an egyptian since last week but she doesn't know im studying in alex. But when one of the specialists told her that im studying in egypt, she asked "which part of egypt"

"ALEX!"

and she laughed and she looked so excited " this is like a big laugh to me" while laughing,
She came to me and we talked a bit. She left alex 6 years ago, and haven't been there ever since, except for that one time just for 2 or 3 days. She graduated from alex uni jugak :D
I asked her "you know dr farid and dr haitham?" she said yes. then i told her they passed away and she looked sad. Talked about HM haha. about the election. She was surprised syafik was even nominated. and i said "right! we were surprised too! thank God he didn't win!" ;p and she said yeah it was hard back then, and the revolution just had to be done. it gave people hope :) yeah i know that. heard that a lot from the egyptians :) She said she likes to live in malaysia and she's gonna stay here. and i said i like alexandria ;p and we talked and talked then i went home ;p

p/s: mcm tergantung tapi malas sambung. hehe
p/s/s : conversation tu tak tepat okay tapi lebih kurang la. come on la its not like i record the whole conversation kan nak ingat satu satu ;p
p/s : ALL the doctors tak kira lah M/O ke specialist are nice. Very nice. tak nampak stress sangat pun. tak pernah kena marah semua :) tak tahu lah kalau tempat lain kan :/

Hari 3: HUKM

Day 3

Masuk jabatan neurosurgery.
Pukul 8 dengar presentation oleh seorang doktor perempuan, dikomen oleh beberapa pakar
*mula merasai ketakutan menjadi doktor. kena belajar dengan bersungguh sungguh!

Pukul 9 pusing ward. Melihat sekeliling. Bersyukur dengan nikmat kesihatan yang Allah beri. Alhamdulillah :)
Tetapi setiap dugaan itu Allah turunkan kerana Allah tahu kita mampu menghadapinya ;)

Kemudian ke OT (operation theatre).
Malangnya kali ini kami tidak dapat melihat dengan jelas dan terang.
Kerana tiada kerusi.
Dan tiada kamera. Kamera hanya sebentar, semasa proses pengeluaran tumour
Hanya dapat melihat from across the table memandangkan saya tidak sterile
Wanita tua yang mempunyai ketumbuhan di saraf. tumour di spine nya.
Pembedahan dilakukan untuk mengeluarkan ketumbuhan. Alhamdulillah pembedahan berjaya

Sebelum masuk OT ingat mereka ingin bedah otak.
teringin nak tengok bagaimana otak dibedah :O Kedengaran menakutkan. Tapi hajat tak kesampaian. mungkin lain kali?

p/s: Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan. Allah turunkan ujian kerana kita mampu. Jadi kena yakin dan tidak boleh mengalah! chaiyok!

day 2; HUKM

2nd day was an epic failure

I left home at 6 hoping that one hour is enough to reach HUKM at 7.

reached masjid jamek at 6.30. didn't know where to go. ended up pusing pusing to find the star station.
wasted a few minutes there. patah balik. then we went on the train finally yay.

oh nay. just realised that we were on the wrong train.
patah balik. wasted more time T.T ended up reaching HUKM at 7.38.
kena marah ;P

"patut pukul 7 dah kena ada sini.", doctor tu cakap.
;( sedih. followed another doctor. He met some patients and after that he gave a lecture to the fifth year students. i joined them. hehe now i miss listening to the lecturer in front ;( and the lecture at my university is more interesting i think ;p maybe because the lecture i listened to just now was actually a presentation by the students, and further explained by the doctor.

i didnt understand all of them but at least i understand half of what they're saying ;p i have to recall everything that i learned before. luckily, heart is one of my favourite part :D
the doctor kept asking us. " faham tak? faham tak?" and i went "paham la sikit sikit ;p"

then went to the clinic. one by one patient came in. di sini saya hanya duduk mendengar dan tidak berani mengganggu kerana doktor kelihatan sangat stress. -.-"
and then the specialist came in tanya "nak balik dah? ehh datang lambat nak balik awal"
pergh sentap walaupun nada macam gurau2 -.-"

it ended at 12. singgah at kamal's in front of HKL to buy tayna's lab coat.
balik, tidur sebab penat dan stress

p/s: kalau kena marah saya memang akan tension. kalau kena marah benda yang saya tak salah lagi lah double triple tension.

Day 1; HUKM

Day 1

Reached HUKM at 7.20

went to ward 5J. followed the doctor to do his round. went to the ICU. 

went to the operation room. then i was asked to change into their clothes. i didnt know they always bring their own tudung. so i ended up wearing the most ridiculous tudung ever. -.-" all grey uniform with a pair of crocs.

went to the pantry. a few doctors were there. 

"dah makan?"

"eh tapelah"

"tak, dah makan tak?"

"belum"

"nah amik ni" while giving me sebungkus nasi lemak ayam. dah menyemak, dapat makan minum free lagi -.-"

talked about egypt, belly dance and stuff.

then the other specialists came, and then we went to the operation room.

the patient was a male 58 years old guy. His aortic valve wasn't functioning anymore so they replaced it with an artificial valve made of bovine pericardium. 

 i didnt know what to do. there were a lot of nurses and staffs.

then they started opening up the body, cut the sternum, and the tissues and then i could see the heart beating, live :O

woah it was amazing :O the heart that we saw in the university was already old, hard and not so real since it was preserved for a long time. to see a beating heart and lung in front of my own eyes was amazing :O untuk orang yang jakun macam saya ;) hehe

i could see the enlarged and overly stretched aorta. it was very thin. and the right atrium was also thin, that it bled on touch..

one of the specialist called me to look at the operation closely, so i stood very close to the patient, behind the patient's head, and i saw everything very clearly :D One of the specialists explained to me what they were doing.

'He's cutting the thymus now. it looks fatty because he's already old'

'Can you see? He's now connecting the tube to the aorta'

'Look. the aorta is very thin, because of the regurgitation, the aorta has to put extra effort, so it became bigger, stretched, and very thin.'

and so on

 It was amazing. then they connected the SVC, IVC and aorta to a machine ,it was an extracorporeal circulation. then they stopped the heart and lung, and let the machine took the function of them both while doing the operation.

Well all this while, i thought an operation is a very serious procedure, with everyone concentrating, but i was wrong. they talked, laughed, listened to dangdut music, but still managed to perform the operation nicely. it wasn't stressful at all for me. but he said to me just now " semalam tu stress, sebab tak sihat, tak best sangat". habis tu kalau yang tak stress tu macam mana lah agaknya :O 

The op started at 8 i think, and ended at about 3 pm :O a very long one indeed.

and tomorrow insyaAllah i'll be seeing a coronary bypass surgery :)

:)

Sometimes when we face obstacles in life, we ask ourselves why are these things happening to us? Why can't we have what other people have. Why is it so hard to get things we've always wanted.

"Pandanglah orang yang berada di bawah kalian, jangan memandang yang di atas kalian, itu lebih baik membuat kalian tidak mengkufuri nikmat Allah" (HR Muslim: 5264)

Astargfirullah, how many times in a day i say Alhamdulillah for what i have.
Sometimes I wonder why can't i have things i want, things other people have. and at times it makes me forget the things He blessed me.

The last semester result. He granted my wish. I wanted to get all A's for the last pre-clinical examination although so many times i tell myself the percentage for that to happen is very very low considering how bad i answered my pathobiology paper. 

See? Sometimes He doesn't give us things that we asked for, because He wants to give so many better things, in ways we do not expect :) Sometimes we think that a life we dream of is the best for us, but maybe it is not :) Allah knows best :)

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak Mengetahui."(Surah al-Baqarah:ayat 216)

I have a lot of things to be thankful of :) Family friends, food to eat, I can go shopping and buy myself many pairs of baju kurung, shoes :) I was given the chance to go explore other countries and places :)

While we're having so much fun, so much joy, other people are suffering.

The people in syria, palestine, rohingya :( They celebrated their Eid with guns in their hands , while we celebrated ours with so much duit raya in our hands, and too much food filling our stomach

"Oleh itu, ingatlah kamu kepada-Ku, supaya Aku membalas kamu dengan kebaikan;  dan bersyukurlah kamu kepada-Ku dan janganlah kamu kufur" (Surah al-Baqarah: ayat 152)

Alhamdulillah :)

hello people :)

yaw. hehe . assalamualaikum :)

one day of ramadhan left ;( sob sob i could have done so much more ;(

and syawal is coming in a few days.

i haven't done my shopping yet. not planning to,

but come to think about it.

i don't have shoes or enough clothes. so i NEED to buy something tomorrow *alasan :p

so last week i had the chance to listen to ustaz azhar idrus alhamdulillah.

semangat adik aku "kakyang esok ada UAI kat masjid!"

last last dia yang tak pergi. ngok ngek :p

hee ive always wanted to listen to him live and it was an opportunity i couldn't miss :)

the mosque was full with people. my brother said even solat jumaat tak ramai macam ni.

i feel happy and glad. im proud and happy that people are starting to become interested in reminders and tazkirah. everyone wants to learn more about islam, halal wal haram and something related to akhirat not only dunya :) so say yay to everyone. YAY :)

i sat at the back because i was late :P can you spot UAI? hee

and last tuesday i had iftar with my ex-classmates :)

it has been a few years ;( and i missed them. especially this girl down here, milah!

glad i could finally see you! :)

one of my three best friends. i'll meet you soon mea :) and aina, selamat beraya di US sanaa haha tu lah hang tak mahu balik :p

i'll see you guys again after raya insyaAllah

So selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin :) sorry for all my wrongdoings. i know i made a lot of mistakes ;( i made a lot of stupid mistakes ;( thats even sadder. so again, im sorry :) 

p/s: well result is coming out in a few days (hopefully).

one thing i learned is is don't ever put 100% trust in them when they say result is coming out. their tomorrow means next month! (sometimes, eh, well most of the times ;p) so good luck people!

everyone's waiting anxiously for the previous sem's result to come out
well truth be told, last sem was hard. very very hard.
 but me?
'nak keluar, keluar. taknak keluar sudah'. tak tertunggu tunggu pun. i dont know why. unlike the previous year, dok usha bila exam nak keluar sampai berdebar debar haih.

lol.why? i dont know. serious tak expect apa apa. cuma doa lulus and kalau ada rezeki nak dapat A tu alhamdulillah but based on how i did, ehm, jauh panggang dari api.

anyway, Allah knows best :D
harapannya bila result keluar aku mampu tersenyum dan tidak menangis T.T

suatu malam yang hening

hah, *kira kira guna jari*
sedar tak sedar dah hampir setengah tahun aku tidak mengupdate blog.
itu pun hanya sekali. sekali dalam setahun.

kenapa? aku pun tak faham kenapa.
dulu mesti ada benda yang aku nak taipkan, satu persatu. dari cerita tak mendatangkan faedah kepada cerita yang mendatangkan faedah mungkin? aku pun tak tahu.
baca balik entri entri yang lalu pun aku malu malu sendiri.
alahai aku tulis ke ni, mengarutnya.

i even promised myself to write once in a while but still, i didnt find anything worth writing,
and even if i did, i kept telling myself that it would be such a waste of time spending an hour on this blog.
isnt it good if i use that time to study? or do anything i enjoy more?, bisik hati kecilku. hehe

twitter aku dah delete. dah lama sangat mentweet tweet. well the main reason is kind of stupid so let's just stick to 'dah lama sangat tu membebel di twitter'. tapi bila dah tak ada twitter tu rasa macam, hmm, bagus juga. kalau tak,  kalau gaduh, tak puas hati. tulis. luahkan perasaan. yang belah sana pula baca, dan seterusnya memberi kata kata balas. dan pertengkaran mula meletus, umpama gunung berapi yand sudah lama menunggu untuk meletuskan larvanya. apakah -.-"

last pre clinical year :D

ramadhan kareem. almost 3 weeks have passed. another week to go. when my brother told me that we only have 10 days more of ramadhan, i was like, really? that fast?
i want to make this one different from the previous ramadhan. but im not really sure how im doing.
but certainly not good enough, i can do better :( but i'll try insyaAllah.
its never too late, kan? oh it is too late when we are buried deep down there and not breathing.
but while we still can, it is not too late. yosh! berusaha!


oh semua dah buat statement ini tapi aku baru sahaja ingin menaip di atas papan kekunci ini dan menyatakan,
oh pre clinical year dah berakhir! is this the time to say YES! or NOOOO!
hmm ill go with the latter. hehe
im not sure if im ready but im afraid. T.T can i do it? will i survive? i dont knowwww.
spent a few days at the hospital and as i observed each and every single doctor i began to wonder
"nanti aku macam ni jugak eh?"

"busy jadi doktor. penat. tapi takpe dapat pahala. hehe", a doctor once said this to me.
and i went 'gulp'
haha i know i'll be busy but i dont want to. family comes first. walaupun tak kahwin lagi, i'd like to think ahead. haha. but insyaAllah, Allah will help us throughout our journey :)

p/s : aku ingat aku seorang yang tension bila makcik makcik refuse untuk rapatkan saf. when i hung out with other alexandrians they are having the same problem
suatu malam yang hening ketika solat isyak, aku cuba rapatkan saf dengan seorang makcik ini and then she said this to me
"ke sana sikit boleh tak?"
*blank*

these past 2 semesters

it's been so long since i last wrote that i feel awkward now to write :O
and i've been thinking about the things that im going to write but still, i dont have any idea ;(

medicine has been a bit stressful these last 2 semesters :O not as easy as the previous year i have to say.
perhaps because they have to finish everything up before our clinical year * whoop whoop clinical year dah next year :O*

last module i was busy with arab ammiyah class, the one we willingly took! and then we had aid some more and stuff.
i thought this module is going to be a bit relaxing but no no i was wrong. ada pulak arab ammiyah class university buat. this one is obligatory. i am not willing to go sebenarnya but what choice do i have. 2 jam setengah pulakk di petang hari lepas kelas lecture yang sangat memeningkan hadoi

so how's life in alex?

how's life?
how's life? how???
it was okay i guess. haha
so im gonna write briefly about what happened the past 2 semesters :?

hah this one is unforgettable. i participated in futsal match masa perubatan sport's day.
dapat number 2 woo wewit wewit walaupun main sangat bolok dan memang rasa peluang nak menang sangat tipis setipis kulit bawang. apakah? rezeki kan :) hee

i might have done something quite embarrassing there. ;( huwaa forgive me dear sisters, senior, and anyone for muhafazah lain who were there ;( serious terasa macam sangat gangster itu time. haha.
and 2 days before match tu kitorang semangat gila pergi kapur cari jersey lepas tu tak ada naik teksi pergi sten sten pulak setelah penat berlatih petang sampai tengah malam. nasib baik adidas ada. we bought that baju for 100++ each just to wear it for one day :O berbaloi ke? berbaloi ke? berbaloi lah kut. lol
btw comel kan angry bird kitorang? wewit

and pardon the ugly me in the picture. this is our only picture since semasa tengah main we were all so serabut that we didnt even bother to be in the photos (!) even bila orang nak tangkap i went "nanti nanti sakit kaki ni. sakit kepala ni sakit ni sakit tu" and come to think about it, what was i thinking? gambar kut! haha

and this one, selepas bungkus bungkus makanan for LIFE event. what LIFE?

this was an event organized by arabs and we joined them celebrate the kids in the hospital. we coloured their faces :) draw with them play with them. give them snacks hehe. it was fun. well although it was held during our study leave untuk git yang sangat stressful, i went anyway
sebab aku tahu kalau tak pergi aku akan menyesal sambil buat muka kerut kerut sampai hari ni. haha

habis exam je duit habis. haha. we were given 2 days cuti after a very stressful exam indeed. we were very excited since we weren't given cuti after exam pun before this! dah setahun dah tak ada cuti after exam T,T

 so kami serumah decided to makan makan dekat cr since budak rumah saya busy busy semuanyaa! selalu tiada di rumah except pikah and i, obviously :O

lepas tu bantai the avenger dengan hunger game dengan tayna :O mana tak habis duit. tapi puas hati lah kut hehe nanti kita pergi cafe korea tu pulak ok tayna! :P

 oh memperkenalkan sc baru saya. no more de karamella *my previous sc
luckily most of them are my good friends so its not that awkward :D ngee
and last sc we went the the planeterium :O fuh first time pergi planeterium. ingat apa benda la dalam benda bulat bulat depan bibliotica tu. disebabkan saya jakun, of course saya cakap best! haha untuk orang yang dah pernah pergi tak best sangat lah kut :P

happy teacher's day! actually ini idea budak section kitorang. tapi disebabkan kitorang pening nak fikir prof mana nak bagi since kalau bagi semua gila tak cukup tangan! haha so kitorang bawak ke batch and voila, berlangsunglah sesi pembuatan muffin di mana saya tidak terlibat. sebab saya buat kad :D nasib baik comel *tak perasan kan? hahaha.

after practical class we distributed the muffins to 76 professors of biochemistry and histology :)

lecture C being terlebih semangat siap practice and pakai baju sama colour lagi. hehe. mula mula segan segan I nak bangun wish tu macam poyo pulak haha tapi cikgu mcm muka terharu nak mati sampai mcm nak menangis dah tengok. terus macam wah seronoknyaa :)

diorang macam tak pernah sambut je teacher's day and diorang pelik and even asked us

"you do this in malaysia every year?ive been teaching malaysian students for 4,5 years already, why didnt they do this before?"

tahniah lah batch i-mumtaz yang terlebih semangat and always sangat active and im proud to be in this batch :) kena buat t-shirt i love i-mumtaz la lepas ni ^.^

ini section saya. hobi kami pakai baju sedondon. hari isnin je nak pakai sama colour, lepas tu tangkap gambar. hai mentang mentang semua perempuan :O haha and we're used to being with only girls that when we had to combine class with other section yang ada lelaki kami jadi sangat stress kerana kami terpaksa mengawal tingkah laku dan juga tutur kata dan perbuatan. cannot bising bising makan makan bongok bongok anymoreeee.

teringin nak makan nasi tomato macam mak buat dekat rumah. dengan gigihnya mencuba dan voila jadi nasib baik. sedapnyaa nak buat lagi ^.^

P/S: there, dah habis pun satu post. yea berbangga dengan diri sendiri dapat membuang perasaan malas yang membuak buak. hehe. harap lepas ni tak malas lagi lah kan kan kan :P

back. for. good.

yaw i'm back, for good
i hope so

been busy for the past couple of MONTHS
and i've been lazy, too.

kthxbai

say hello patrick! :)

Finally, its over.

yeah yeah yeah

the most serabut study leave ive ever had.

dengan timing tak cukup

dengan module yang berat tak hengat dunia bagus university pergi gabung 2 module sekali :O

dengan study leave seminggu nak habiskan buku 500 ++ dengan practical exam yang banyak nak mampus.

siapa kata cns paling susah? haha

but anyway its good that its over :P and i hope the next sem isnt as hard as this one.

hehe and eh? dah habis exam lah. terujaaa

result tu tak payah cakap lah. jawab pun entah lah. tak bagus manaa pun tak boleh laa nak expect apa apa tapi aku nak lulus pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;(

ok dah

oh malaysia, sila tunggu aku lagi 2 hari. sekian

kthxbai

cerita cikgu embryology

and so our embryology professor, who is also the head of department of anatomy for whole Egypt gave us a lecture about the embryology of external genitalia. and after the lecture he told us something very interesting indeed.

"i woke up until 2 am thinking about this case."

so he said as he told us about a man, who is 25 years old, well he has the male external genitalia, a penis but stretched to the base with no testis. and spent his life living as a male. he went to see the doctor and the doctor found out that he actually has the female reproductive organs; the uterus, ovary, fallopian tube etc. He's enganged, he's about to get married and he insists that he wants to be a male and still wants to get married.

and it got us :O

and another one he told us about a woman, a true one. she was married, she gave birth to her child, she lactated her child. then she divorced and suddenly went to the doctor claiming that she is a male. and she wants to be a male.

and another little girl, who is 10 years old, been living as a girl because she has the female genital organ, but she doesnt have the vaginal opening. after some investigations, the doctor found out that she does not have the female reproductive organ. and her karyotype is 23+XY. male karyosome and there's some swelling at the lower part because there are 2 testis hidden there due to incomplete descend of testis (cryptorchidism) , there's no way to bring the testis out there's still no method for the surgery. finally the doctor decided that she should continue as a girl because either way she would be sterile and she's been living as a female anyway.

to know that these kind of things happen a lot do amaze me. and it's not easy to decide what to do with a baby with anomalies of the exernal genitalia. and if the doctor is ignorant enough, he'll just leave the patient be and some years later. that girl or boy, because of the mistake of the doctor will suffer a lot, as he might be raised as a girl just to found out many years later that he is actually a male and vice versa and this happens a lot :O

to think that how could he faces his family, when all throughout his life, he's been treated as a girl, being called a sister, raised as a girl, suddenly found out that he's actually a male. it is unthinkable.

and there;s even a child who changes his sexuality and identification several times because of the anomalies.

and its not a simple decision to be made by a doctor, discussions need to be made with several specialists to determine the sex of the babies.

thank you professor. i was feeling sleepy during the first half an hour of the lecture and then my eyes got as big as they could O.O after hearing the interesting stories :O

so to those yang nak jadi doctor, don't be that ignorant, or other people will suffer for the rest of their lives.

I wonder in Islam, what to do in such conditions? if she has the male karyosome but she's been raised as a girl because of the failure of the development of male genital organs so they thought she's a girl but found of shes actually not many years later, what should she do? If anyone has the answer to this question, please do enlighten me :)

kthxbai

Di kisahkan pada suatu hari ketika Rasulullah saw bersama-sama sahabatnya seraya baginda bertanya kepada mereka :

"Siapakah yang paling hebat imannya?" tanya Rasulullah.

"Malaikat," jawab sahabat.

"Bagaimana para malaikat tidak beriman kepada Allah sedangkan mereka sentiasa hampir dengan Allah," jelas Rasulullah.Para sahabat terdiam seketika.

Kemudian mereka berkata lagi, "Para nabi"."Bagaimana para nabi tidak beriman, sedangkan wahyu diturunkan kepada mereka".

"Mungkin kami," celah seorang sahabat

."Bagaimana kamu tidak beriman sedangkan aku berada ditengah-tengah kamu," pintas Rasulullah menyangkal hujah sahabatnya itu. "Kalau begitu, hanya Allah dan Rasul-Nya sahaja yang lebih mengetahui," jawab seorang sahabat lagi, mengakui kelemahan mereka.

"Kamu ingin tahu siapa mereka? Mereka ialah umatku yang hidup selepasku. Mereka membaca Al Quran dan beriman dengan semua isinya. Berbahagialah orang yang dapat berjumpa dan beriman denganku. Dan tujuh kali lebih berbahagia orang yang beriman denganku tetapi tidak pernah berjumpa denganku," jelas Rasulullah.

Suasana di majlis pertemuan itu hening sejenak. Semua yang hadir diam membatu. Mereka seperti sedang memikirkan sesuatu. Lebih-lebih lagi Saidina Abu Bakar. Itulah pertama kali dia mendengar orang yang sangat dikasihi melafazkan pengakuan demikian. Seulas senyuman yang sedia terukir dibibirnya pun terungkai. Wajahnya yang tenang berubah warna. "Apakah maksudmu berkata demikian wahai Rasulullah? Bukankah kami ini saudara-saudaramu?" Saidina Abu Bakar bertanya melepaskan gumpalan teka-teki yang mula menyerabut fikiran.

"Tidak, wahai Abu Bakar. Kamu semua adalah sahabat-sahabatku tetapi bukan saudara-saudaraku,"suara Rasulullah bernada rendah.

"Kami juga saudara-saudaramu, wahai Rasulullah," kata seorang sahabat yang lain pula.

Rasulullah menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya perlahan-lahan sambil tersenyum. Kemudian baginda bersuara, "Saudaraku ialah mereka yang belum pernah melihatku tetapi mereka beriman denganku sebagai Rasulullah dan mereka sangat mencintaiku. Malahan kecintaan mereka kepadaku melebihi cinta mereka kepada anak-anak dan orang tua mereka."

"Aku sungguh rindu hendak bertemu dengan mereka," ucap Rasulullah lagi setelah seketika membisu dengan berbaur kesayuan pada ucapannya itu

peperiksaan

yea yea everyone is stressed out

we have to finish 3 books in less than a month and absorb every single thing written in that book :O

waaa

so my presentation will be on the 12th of january. this thursday :O

but i like physiology so its okay i guess hihihi

skill lab exam this monday :O

28th practical exam

4th mcq for genitourinary module :O

and i dont care about the rest. i just want to finish everything before 28th but i dont know if its possible :O

but i'll try *wink wink

reunion ksp

wa cakap sama lu wa rindu gila zaman ksp tak payah belajar makan free meronggeng 24 jam jalan jalan cari makan malam malam online dalam kelas guna laptop tengok movie dalam kelas dapat elaun jamuan disponsor hari hari online gelak tidur main main trip semua disponsor

our first reunion and there were a lot of dishes that everyone went :O

bbq was superb :D two thumbs up and there were a lot of udangssssss. :) bukan senang okay nak makan udang dengan hati gembira tanpa segan silu dekat sini memandangkan udang mahal nak mampusss. hihi

perempuan pulak bertungkus lumus masak dengan aku yg mula memasak sejak pukul 6 setengah pagi hahaha. thank you everyone :))

p/s : dulu ni ringtone kau. ringtone aku juga. bila bunyi aku gelabah cari. tengok tengok skrin kosong. rupanya telefon kau. selalu je panas. tapi dua dua taknak tukar ringtone ego sangat. hihi. tapi tu dulu :)

kthxbai